Without
This is very much a work in progress. If I could get suggestions on organization, focus, and things to add that would be great.
Much of my free time these days is used
on various electronics, whether it’s my laptop, phone, or desktop computer at
home. Whenever I’m bored, I’ll just turn one of them on and watch YouTube, play
games, or just browse the web. While this does take up a lot of my time, I
could certainly live without it, and I know that it would improve my life too.
Back when I was younger, browsing the
web or were very fun to me. I was first exposed to the internet through school
computer games time back in kindergarten or first grade. The two websites or
games that I remember the most are “Funbrain” and “Poptropica”. Us grade-schoolers had a very limited amount of time to play them during these school
periods, so it made those short periods all that more important. Back at home,
it was the same. My mom was quite strict on my internet habits in grade school,
and she would give me around thirty minutes maximum on weekdays to use her
computer. While I may not have liked this at the time, it was beneficial to me
in many ways. Because I had a limited amount of time, all that time was used on
things I really wanted to do- I remember thinking of the stuff I wanted to do
in Poptropica, or websites I had to check before getting on the computer. This
limited time made every moment on the computer meaningful. The same applied to
smartphones. I remember my friends and I being addicted to certain mobile
games, and we would always have a blast competing against each other in the
little time out parents permitted us to play.
In the present, this isn’t the case at
all. I’m given a lot more time nowadays, especially since I have my own
personal computer for “school”. So, instead of browsing the internet for only
thirty minutes a day, I’ll do it whenever I’m bored or have nothing to do. Because
of this, I’m never excited to go home and check a certain website. Previously,
I had dreamed of having more than thirty minutes of free time on a computer.
But when that happened, the activity had become boring itself. It’s the same
for my phone. While getting on my mom’s phone and playing a simple game used to
be very fun, I find doing that to be beyond boring now.
Reflecting
on my middle and grade school years, the few free hours I had after dinner were far more
productive than they are now. From grades one to four, I was obsessed with the “accelerated
reader” program at my school. Basically, you earned “points” for reading books
and taking a short multiple-choice test on them online. I was extremely over-competitive about this, and so every single one of my nights were dedicated
to reading, usually from around 7-11 PM. Even though it may sound very boring
or repetitive, and (maybe I’m wrong here) the common belief in society is that
reading for fun is lame, I think I genuinely enjoyed sitting in my bed and
reading four hours straight every night instead of wasting time on the computer
or smartphones. During the past summer, I found myself turning off my phone and reading
a book a few times just out of boredom. However, if I were to have all my
technology taken away today forever, I doubt I would become as avid a reader
again. Despite this, I do believe that I would find something more
interesting to do than what I’m doing now, and getting rid of technology would make my life better
overall.
You give a lot of specific examples about your use of electronics as a kid, though not as much in the present. I think you could expand a bit on your current relationship with technology. In terms of flow, your first and third paragraphs are both about the present so you could try to conjoin them.
ReplyDeleteI like this essay because it is very relatable and real. It provides a sense of vulnerability because it shows that you acknowledge that you spend a lot of time wasting your time. This is especially evident in the last line of your essay. I liked the flow of the essay but having a specific story in your essay and not just examples would be really nice! overall great essay!
ReplyDeleteGreat essay! This is very relatable and brings me back to my childhood which means you are doing a very good job with being vulnerable. I really like how your conclusion brings everything together and provides the reader with something to take away from the essay and think about on their own. If anything I would suggest lengthening the introduction and making it more attention grabbing.
ReplyDeleteNice essay. You do a good job of expressing vulnerability throughout the essay. Your narration was also very descriptive and easy for the reader to follow. The first sentence of your second paragraph is kind of confusing but I think that you just left out a word or added an extra word. I think that you could also add more reflection at the end of the essay about what kind of things you could do besides reading if you got rid of your phone and why these things are important.
ReplyDeleteI appreciated your honesty! I think there is definitely room for further reflection, though. "During the past summer, I found myself turning off my phone and reading a book a few times just out of boredom." makes that you were reading sound like you did this begrudgingly and did not enjoy it. Did you enjoy it? Did you not? Why not? Also, why do you doubt you would become as avid a reader again? What hobbies do you think you would gain from eliminating too much technology from your life? what would you as a person gain? Will you try it sometime? Why?
ReplyDelete